A new low

Ok - so I have gained some weight back.  Yes.  And now I am back in the plus size section - which sucks because that makes it much harder to shop.  Most stores around here have very small plus size sections.  And it just sucks. 

My new low, yesterday while attempting to shop for an Easter outfit I saw someone that I knew in high school.  We played softball together, and she is still in great shape.  She is probably even in better shape now than she was in high school.  And what did I do?  I tried my best to hide from her.  Yes, that is my new low.  I think she saw me a few times, but honestly, I don't think she recognized me - considering I really don't look all that much like I used to.  I do and I don't, but I can see how someone that hasn't seen me in at least 7 years could maybe not recognize me.

Then afterwards I got mad at myself.  I should have been proud to say hello and show off Peyton. 

So, I don't really know what to do.  I'm eating good most meals, and I'm not stressing losing weight - and I'm not gaining weight.  I even started walking some at work - mini-breaks during the day to help.  Gosh, I wish their was a magic pill to help me lose it, I just want to lose 20 lbs and be where I was last fall before all the holidays and everything.  And then I keep thinking - we are going to be trying to get pg soon, so why bother, but then on the other hand, I want to lose the weight before getting pg to make it easier on me afterwards.

I hate this inner struggle.  Weight issues really suck.  Why can't I just be a skinny girl????  And why can't I not LOVE food???