Things I want to remember

I just finished putting Peyton to bed, and while I was rocking him I was thinking about his first two weeks. I wish I could somehow bottle up the feelings that I had and save them for later so that I can feel them whenever I want. I don't think I have ever felt closer to Eric than I did those first few weeks - the intense love that I felt those few days was wonderful. Not that I love Eric or Peyton any less now, but my emotions were just very very strong during that time. That is one thing that I don't ever want to forget.

These are a few others...

I want to remember that feeling that I got when I saw Peyton for the first time. The way that I couldn't stop crying happy tears during those first few moments. The spark in Eric's eyes when he held him for the first time. Those first few minutes were magical, just magical.

I want to remember the car ride home from the hospital. I barely took my eyes off of Peyton the whole way home (I was in the backseat with him). Eric probably drove the best that he has ever driven in his whole life on the way home. And I wanted some lunch, but Eric didn't want to go anywhere with Peyton except home - not even through the drive thru.

I want to remember how I could not put him down whenever his eyes were open. He slept alot those first few weeks, so whenever he was awake I soaked up every minute with him.

I want to remember the way that I felt when I saw myself naked in front of the mirror. It was very depressing and caught me off guard when I couldn't get rid of the lump in my throat. I was a little shocked to say the least, but when I thought about what I gained in Peyton - I knew that I wouldn't have changed a thing - and that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. (Hey, who said they all had to be good memories?)

I want to remember all of our wonderful friends and family. Yes we had alot of visitors those first few weeks, but everyone was just wonderful. We are very blessed to have so many people that care about us so much.

I want to remember how awesome my husband was (and is). I don't think I could have made it those first few weeks without him, and I'm so thankful that he was here with me the entire 8 weeks. Eric was making me food, going to the grocery store, washing clothes, cleaning/sterilizing bottles and doing anything else to help us out.

I want to remember the way that his eyes would follow my voice around a room. He knew me before he was born, just as I knew him. I want to remember the way that I could calm him down instantly when no one else could and how his favorite place in the whole world was in my arms.

I want to remember the way that his soft baby skin feels against my skin. How I love it when he nudges his face right into my neck.

I want to remember how protective Eric was of him, especially those first weeks at home. Eric didn't want him to EVER be alone and he constantly worried about something happening to him. The first night home he didn't even sleep unless he dozed off in the rocking chair beside Peyton's bassinett. And how Eric became a 'burp' nazi. He was constantly asking me if I burped Peyton when he was eating, and he would ask over and over.

I want to remember that first doctors visit. We were so scared that you would get sick! We were so silly not touching ANYthing. NOt the door knobs, magazines, chairs, etc. I had a blanket over your head the whole time we were in the waiting room so that you wouldn't get any germs. Everything was just fine though...you made it just fine.

And I want to remember the way that it felt to know I was a mom. It was so sureal. He is two months old now, and sometimes I still think - 'I'm a mom'.

I have lots of other memories from the first month, but I wanted to get some of them down before I forgot them. So, this is my attempt at bottling up my emotions so I can remember them later.